publication date: Apr 23, 2007
Spontaneity is great but what’s
fun for one child can
create havoc for the rest of the
family. You know
the scenario - your kid has gone off to play with his friend and you’ve arranged to collect him at five o’clock. At four-thirty he
rings to ask if he can stay to tea, you agree, then at
six-thirty he phones to say he’s been invited to
stay the night and can he ple-e-e-ase? In the meantime your
own schedule has been
knocked for six not to mention the rest of the
household’s.
Once children start
controlling their own
social lives - and this seems to start
earlier and earlier - they really do have
little consideration for other members of the family, especially
parents who are expected to
concoct meals at a moment’s notice,
act as a taxi/walking home service and be
out of the way when they and their guests want to watch the TV or listen to music.
Tips for a quiet life
- Agree an arrival and departure time for guests and whether a meal is included in advance.
- Encourage your child not to make offers or invitations in front of his friend. He should speak to you privately.
- If your kids want to be independent and offer snacks to their friends, make sure they know if something is off limits - for example you may be keeping some fruit for a salad or packed lunch.
- Don’t be bullied into allowing a child to stay overnight if it will interfere with plans you have for the next day. Overnight stays often work better when planned in advance or are offered as a treat.
- Insist homework is done before socialising - otherwise you’ll end up with frantic kids trying to finish projects in the mornings.
- If you have certain rooms - like your or a sibling’s bedroom - which are out of bounds, make sure everyone knows this.
- Make sure children understand that your ideas about behaviour still apply when they’re with someone else: for instance anything you don’t allow, like watching TV after a certain time or playing out in the street/going to the park alone. One way to ensure this is to get to know your child’s friends and their parents and let your views be known in conversation.
- Tidying up after a visit: if you expect your child’s guest to help make sure they are aware of this and give a ten minute warning before the child is due to leave. Younger children need adult help here - as do many older children!
- Sharing a room: each child must respect the other’s toys and possessions.
- Concentrate on praising your child for clearing up, helping a sibling after a visit, being home on time, taking heed of your wishes rather than moaning about an occasional misdemeanour!
