publication date: Jun 6, 2007
The recent
Unicef report stated that British children had the
worst peer relationships in the EU –
one in five teenagers today claims to have
no close friend.
Friendship, as the research shows, is
paramount for a child’s
well-being and
development. As children grow
companionship, intimacy and
affection develop into
loyalty and
commitment in adolescence.
Many parents fear that a child playing out with friends (say in a park) without adult supervision may be abducted. Yet abductions are not common – when they do happen they become huge media stories because they are so rare. The Madeleine McCann case is testament to this. In fact your child is far more likely to be involved in a traffic accident (11646 aged under 14 in 2005-6 according to government figures).
The whole point about parenting is |
 |
educating our offspring to live
fulfilled and
independent lives. We can’t expect them to be
streetwise and able to look out for themselves
at 14 if they have had
no preparation. They need to
explore, encounter and
resolve problems for themselves and this will increase their
confidence and
self-esteem.
What we need to do as parents is
monitor what each child is
capable of. For example one ten year-old may be quite able to
cross roads safely and buy items from a shop, while another
wouldn’t notice even if a bus were coming along
the road and would probably have lost the money before arriving at the shop!
We also
need to show our children that we have
confidence in them to
act and behave wisely when they are
unsupervised. And, of course, we need to be there for them if anything should go wrong and they need
a hug and a
shoulder to cry on.
If you are
constantly worried about
losing your child or something
awful happening to him and so
restrict his movements, you may make him
resentful – and
deceitful as he may go off and do whatever you have
forbidden him to do and
lie to cover his tracks.
To
minimise your own anxiety, make sure you know
whom your child is with,
where they are, vaguely what they are
planning to do and
stipulate a time to be home by.
For many of us deciding the
right time a child can do something
independently is a matter of
trial and error. To keep things in
perspective, think about what you were
allowed to do as a child –
without coming to any
harm!
